Falling Apart

Past few weeks have been really weird for me. There's been another of somewhat interesting things that have happened, some good and some slightly more negative, but nothing too bad. However, I seem to have become disconnected from everything and I'm trying to figure out how that happened.

I suppose it started just before Thanksgiving. Of course I went home and did stuff with family over Thanksgiving and didn't spend any time with friends during that break or anything like that. Then it was the last week of school, and I avoided pretty much all friends/entertainment to work on 3 substantial group projects (with presentations for 2/3 also) due that week. Immediately following presentations came exams, which I spent a while studying for and once again avoided much of anything social. By the time exams finished, I was dead. We had a Christmas Party and a Guys' Night soon after, but I really just was not into it... school had drained me and I needed to regain some energy and large social gatherings were not helpful for that. I'm kind of an introvert and need time alone to re-charge; however, too much time alone creates the opposite effects. Anyways, so after those social gatherings that burned me out further, I went on a trip to my cousins' wedding. That was fun and enjoyable and it was good to see family, but the car rides were rather strenuous. Also, once again, alone time was still lacking here, so even though the stuff was fun, it was still a drain. The day after getting back to Huntsville, I had surgery to get some plantar warts removed (gross!). That put me at home with family, which is fun and I really enjoy them, but it still doesn't fulfill the alone stuff I've been missing. That brings us to now...

Now I've left the house (day after surgery), and am back at mine and Dan's place, and alone time is possible. And that's great. I definitely plan on taking advantage of that. However, I feel like these whole past few weeks of doing this and doing that and being grumpy there and then getting surgery and becoming immobile and all of that has created a rift between me and people I'm used to hanging out with and doing events with. I've missed 3 Christmas parties, 3 other known events, and 3 journey groups... and that doesn't include normal hang-out that those events normally provoke. I just feel separated. And here I am now not actually able to go to some events, and I'm doubting whether I'll even be able to make next Sunday's Christmas party. After that is over, it's basically Christmas and social life goes away again removing any other opportunities. Finally, Unveiled will start on the 29th, and hopefully everything will get better again from there.

So this is complainy and down and lame and whatever... but sometimes I just need to vent stuff. And it's not really all that bad, I recognize that, it just feels very stand-still and uninteresting right now. I gained some lbs over thanksgiving, gained some more over studying, gained some more while gone, and now I can't even exercise because I can barely walk for the next 2 weeks. So it's the social stuff plus just feeling physically crappy... slouching more, sitting constantly, gaining weight, eating frozen meals because cooking and buying ingredients has become a pain. Yeah. Blah. Falling apart.

I believe this is all temporary and I'll get back in the groove of things soon, hopefully. But as it is now, I'm 100% out of the groove, and it's all because of necessary and unavoidable life circumstances. I literally haven't hung out with friends (beyond the very very large group activities that burnt me out more than anything) since before Thanksgiving. That's what I'm ready for - Going out, talking with people, laughing, joking, driving places, whatever. I'm ready to be back in the groove so I can start putting things back together!

It shall happen.

But for now, I'm still kind of falling apart.

Can I complain? OK!

Because I feel the need to complain. Seriously. 

(if you hate negative posts. skip to the bottom, woo! but don't skip the first 2 paragraphs... or else.)

This week, is going to SUCK. It's going to be awful. Horrendous. Normally I can't predict these things and I don't even like predicting these things. It's like the last time I went to the dentist - I didn't want to go because I knew it was going to be awful - turns out I was wrong. It was the first time ever that she didn't scold me for not flossing 8 times a day. That was my mistake, shouldn't have been negative. This is more like the time when I knew putting duck intestine in my mouth was going to be an awful experience, and I did, and it was an awful experience. I know this week like I knew that duck intestine was a bad thing to eat.

This morning I woke up late with a splitting headache, and decided a shower might help. Well, it did help, until I stepped out of the shower only to find my toilet had overflowed (keep in mind, it hadn't been used since the night before, so it was normal good water). 3 towels for the floor and 1 for me, and that problem was solved... until I ran the dishwasher and washing machine at the same time, in which case it almost overflowed again. Luckily I stopped it from filling up by strategically jamming the plunger into the back basin in order for it all to drain. Also, luckily about 5 minutes later I heard a loud rushing sound from somewhere in the middle of the house and in a matter of seconds all my problems were solved. Great start for the week.

Now, let's get to the next 4 days:

Monday: Class most of the day until 5:15, followed by a Thermo test at 5:30 and a Bible Study immedietly after. Estimated time till bed? 11 or 12. Estimated time to study on Monday? 2 hours.

Tuesday: Class till 11, then workout, then 4 hours to study and do a massive HW assignment for my next class. Class at 5:30 until 7, followed by CRU until 11 (I'm the emcee so I kind of have to be there). Estimated time to study all day? 4 hours.

Wednesday: Short amount of time to study in the morning, followed by a CRU planning meeting immedietly followed by 1 test, then 2 test, then another class, then a 3 hour lab until 10pm. Two tests and no more than 1 hour to study. 

Thursday: Class till 11, then workout, then 4 hours to study for final test of the week. Freedom.

FOUR TESTS. A substancial homework assignment due in every single class I have a test in. I have been doing those homework assignments most of this weekend because they were just assigned last week (and I had other stuff due last week), and have had no time to study for any of the tests other than mild prep for my test tomorrow. Four tests with about 2 hours of total prep behind the first one, 5 hours of prep behind the next two (combined), and another four behind the final one. And knowing me, I don't have the ability to study for 4 hours straight without going crazy. 

So here's my thought:

D for Diploma. 

Translation:

I don't care. Better luck next test week.

Is there a bright side anywhere in this gloomy post? YES!!!

There will only be 4 days of hell as opposed to 5 (I love having Fridays off this semester). Also, the following Monday I get my braces off, and that next Thursday I'm flying to Orlando for the weekend (not for disney world tho)! So I hope and pray those two huge awesome things will help motivate me to survive this week. But I'll probably still stop caring come test #3 :)