I've said the s-word (you know, the s-bomb, the 4 letter curse word that starts with the letter s, you know, shit) more times today than usual. Always loud enough that it's possible someone heard, but I'm really just talking to myself. A bad moment causes a good reaction that always adds a bit of fluff to how I feel when the bad thing happens. Yep. Good stuff, sometimes it's just one of those days where audibly saying how you feel does make you feel better. Even if someone is shocked and offended. How DARE he! Oh, I dare. I dare.
So after CRU tonight, I basically got back home as quickly as I possibly could. Just one of those days once again. I became sick of people. I do that a lot. I rarely get sick of individuals (hah, well, sometimes I DEFINITELY get sick of a few individuals), but groups of people... groups of people are something I get sick of quickly. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes it improves my day, sometimes it's lots of fun. But some days it is just too much. I have to get away. I want to get away more than I want to say "hello" or "goodbye" to a good friend that may be there. I just need to escape back into my own world. Sometimes that's motivated by anger, frustration, just being pissed off, while others I'd rather just do nothing than something. I'd rather watch a movie by myself, close my eyes and listen to music, organize and clean, do something that doesn't involve anyone. So today, after being around people constantly from 9:00am to 10:30pm, I realized I was done. I couldn't take anymore. Yes, I was frustrated and angry. But it was a cullmination of things. I would rather have done nothing from 6pm on to be honest... but sometimes life doesn't give us that option! So when I get an option, I take it, and I'm gone.
And now, I go. Tomorrow has a lot in store. I'll probably skip Linear (it's the day after a test, so whatever, I gift myself with skip sometimes), go to Statics at 12:45, do homework non-stop from 2:00pm until it's done, then get home for Mom's birthday. My goal is to finish all my main responsibilities before I head home for the birthday. I better. I have to.
Goodnight.
2 comments:
I hear ya man. been having some of those moments myself. the "are you ok, whats wrong moments" and my natural response...well..i dont really wanna be around you right now. Is that too much to say? I just wanna be alone, escape, be understood. Its that too much for a hermit to ask for? yet there is grace creeping into my life. people still wanting to love all the while. sometimes i hate that. id rather them not be ok when how i feel, but they are. i guess its the beginning of breaking down those walls of a real community you and i have talked about. my prayer for you...
i can't believe you said that word. do you even HAVE morals?
:)
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