Scenario*: A guy and a girl are friends, whether really really good friends or only kind of friends. Let's say his name is John and hers is Jane. John eventually starts to think, "Golly, Jane really is quite a nice girl, I wish we were closer."
John realizes that he and Jane are friends, and he really likes that, and he really doesn't want to harm their current relationship. After much deliberation with himself and other male friends, he's convinced to ask her out. He realizes that by simply already wanting to be more than just friends with Jane, he's already changed their friendship (or at least his perspective of it), so why not just man up and actually see if his desired improvement can happen. He's gonna go for it.
The day has arrived. John knows that Jane will be at [insert place here] and he knows that he'll be able to pull her aside without everyone else hearing the question. He goes for it. He asks, "Hey, wanna go out on a date with me sometime?" There's a momentary pause, she's taken abback, his fears begin to grow. Her lips open, and out come the dreaded words, "No, we're great friends, let's not change that."
Thus goes the conversation most guys will have to deal with at least once before they die.
However, this is a conversation that should never happen. Ever. E-V-E-R. Period. Have I made myself clear? Let me explain.
John has already changed their friendship before he even asks her the question. Jane's answer of wanting to stay friends will not bring things back to normal. In fact, her answer of wanting to stay friends cements the now broken relationship. The second he asks that question to her, their relationship only has two choices: Grow or Fade. Stay the same is no longer a choice - John already chose for it to not stay the same. Therefore, Jane's response is ridiculous and foolish.
So, Jane is left with a decision. Grow or Fade. Grow or Fade. Remember at this point that John and Jane ARE friends. John has thrown a wrench into the mix, and it is her turn to react. If she says "No, I'd rather not go out with you" or "No, let's just be friends," their relationship is on an automatic fast ride to the land of Fade. So what answer should she give? She should say "Yes." Why?
1) They're already friends, so a date won't be too awkward or miserable. At least not as miserable as the date she went on with that hot stranger.
2) Because saying yes is the absolute only way for them to grow, fade, OR (wait for it)... stay the same! If she honestly cherrishes their friendship and wants them to stay friends, she HAS to say Yes.
The date could go one of a few ways...
1) It goes well! She actually realizes this may have been a good idea and they decide to go further. Their relationship grows. Good job asking the question and giving the answer John and Jane! In a little bit their might be more questions to pop!
2) They both realize that they are just friends and don't really connect, he's figured that out and she has confirmed it, and they... *shock* Go back to the way they were!! Without this date, they never would have known.
3) He grows closer to her, but she doesn't feel the same way, or she grows closer to him, but he decides he doesn't like her. Either way, a second date is probably not in order. Let the fade begin.
4) For some random reason they decide to hate each other after the date. Which probably wouldn't happen, because we've stated from the beginning that they are friends, so why would this happen? Okay, scratch number 4, just pay attention to 1-3.
There you have it. Ladies, heed my expert (hahaha) advice. Never say, "I'd rather just be friends." Go with, "Yes" or be honest with us and say that you don't like us and don't want to go on the date. We'd rather hear honesty.
*The scenario used assumes that we are still generally in a time period where the guy asks the girl out first, which may or may not be a poor assumption, but in many many circles it is very accurate. Also, I wouldn't be posting this if I'd never had this happen to me, so yes this is very very loosely based on personal experience. And no, not recent experience, I've just been thinking about how dumb people are so I decided to post it.
4 comments:
I would say that I tend to disagree with your logic. It's true that from the moment one party decides to be more than friends, the relationship has changed. (See: when harry met sally.) However, I don't think it is fair to say that a girl should ALWAYS say yes to a date when asked. For one thing, it seems unfair if she knows she does not have a future dating this guy for her to let him a) spend money on her and b) get his hopes up falsely.
Well I did have that line at the end about how we'd rather get a no than a just friends. So there is room for that. But also, I think that sometimes even when one party thinks there is no chance, a date CAN change that. However, I agree, there may be some friends that you've definitely already figured that out about. In which case... just say no! :) A Girl definitely shouldn't ALWAYS say Yes to a date, but she should NEVER say "I'd rather just be friends."
duely noted. you're right, "lets just be friends" is a weak answer in general. however, from a female's perspective, whatever the copious meanings behind that phrase may be, we were made to be pursued. it's like a weird animal instinct or something. dont give up after the first """no"""... but maybe after the 3rd or 4th lol
That doesn't mean a girl has to say no the first time just to test if he'll ask again though. Some guys are wimps and believe that no actually means no. Shocking, I know.
Post a Comment